More on My Realization
After thinking more about this, Perhaps the question isn't whether I should remain "frum." Perhaps the question, or rather the solution, is perhaps I should remain "frum" on my OWN terms. Shuck the idiotic chumrahs and minhagim, which I find so completely unnecessary. Actually be a "halacha" following observant Jew. If I eat kitniyos on Pesach, I'm NOT going to burn in hell or even be punished for it at all. Know why? Because it's NOT assur. Period. End of story. If I keep one day of Yom Tov, I'm not going to burn in hell or be punished at all. Know why? Because second day of Yom Tov is a chumrah forced on people. To be honest, it shouldn't be both ways with second day of Yom Tov. Until pretty recently in our history, there were VERY few Jews in Israel. Those Jews who DID live there always followed the SAME calendar the Jews in the diaspora used. When Jews returned en-masse to Israel, they all used the same calendar that had been used for fifteen centuries. Strangely, all of a sudden, it became muttar to just have one day of Yom Tov in Israel but still force those outside of Israel to continue keeping two days.
You can't have it both way. If you hold it's the same calendar, EITHER EVERYONE should have one day because we know when Yom Tov is, OR EVERYONE should keep two days because we are ALL using the same calendar. I don't care about geographic location. That's just dumb and illogical. It was when the Amoraim decided for Bnei Chutz La'Aretz that those in the diaspora MUST keep two days instead of just following the calendar and keeping one.
And that's just two issues among MANY. Perhaps it's time for me to be observant for myself, not for what a community or a bunch of stupid chumrahs and minhagim tell me to do. After all, NONE of this is true to Torah. None of it at all. And perhaps that's why about 90% of Jews simply don't observe most of it anymore. They got tired of restrictions upon restrictions upon even more restrictions.
12 comments:
if you start eating kitniyot and do one day of yom tov rather than 2, will your wife and kids follow suit?
Sorry, you're wrong about this one. There has never been a time when Jews living in Israel kept two days of yomtov, no matter how small the community there.
And if you keep one day in chu"l, or eat kitniyot while living in an Ashkenazi community in chu"l, you cannot call yourself a "'halacha' following observant Jew". That would simply be a lie. Because both of these are not chumrot but binding halacha, regardless of how this came about. (And BTW, so is maariv.)
Milhouse,
You'd better look up your facts again. Kitniyos is a MINHAG. The proof is that Sepharadim do NOT honor this minhag at all. Further, it is explicit in the Gemara that yom tov sheni is a MINHAG those in the diaspora were exhorted (read - FORCED) to keep. Neither of these are halacha. Had efficient communication existed, this MINHAG would NEVER have been necessary and never would have been put in place at all. The proof is that those in chu"l had to be forced to continue keeping this idiotic minhag even though it became outdated. COMPLETELY. Further, WE ALL USE THE SAME CALENDAR. You CAN'T have it both ways. It's hypocritical. Should I decide to stop keeping two days of Yom Tov, I'm STILL a Halacha following Jew. I just won't be keeping minhagim forced on me, minhagim for which there are NO logical or even GOOD reasons.
And BTW, I DO daven Maariv. Thank you very much.
Yarmulke?
Of course. I'd feel like part of a nudist colony without one! :)
I can understand where you are coming from, but make sure you think about your kids, and how they will be able to fit in 10-15 years down the road. you don't want them to be the odd man out forever, which they might be if you start keeping different minhagim than everyone around them.
How does your wife feel about all this? Often women are more sensitive to how their family is viewed by outsiders (although your wife is very cool and indepentant and strong minded...).
Selena,
Give a call. It's easier to shmooze... :)
I can understand resisting the chumros invented in this generation, but kitniyos has been part of Ashkenazic observance for centuries, and to cut off from it so abruptly is probably not very healthy for the future of Judaism. If you want to adopt Sephardic customs wholesale, that would be one thing. I think of Judaism as being like pickup sticks. Changes need to be handled delicately, or the whole thing comes crashing down. This is the main reason I hesitate to support the more radical innovations at the left wing of Modern Orthodoxy, despite having some sympathies toward them.
I also think that halachic observance is strongly tied to habit and self-discipline, and to decrease one's observance for ideological reasons is risky. You probably have more experience doing it than I do, given that you're an ex-Lubavitcher who moved toward MO. Since self-discipline is not my forte, I need the structure of the observance I grew up with, and it would be dangerous for me to experiment with more lenient observances.
Weirdly, the recent controversy over Obama's pastor has caused me to reflect on my own observance. I've pointed out to people that the Orthodox community of which I'm part contains no shortage of bigotry, yet that does not make me a bigot. Others have argued that if your rabbi (or pastor) expresses views you find abhorrent, you have some moral obligation to cut off from them. And in truth, the bigotry among frummies, especially the more rightward leaning ones, has bothered me to the point of making me question why I remain a part of this community. But I came to the realization that I simply feel more comfortable in a yeshivish environment than in an MO one, even though my outlook is in many ways closer to that of MO. Being among some bigots is the price I pay for an environment which, I feel, nurtures more spirituality overall.
Baltimore is an interesting community, something it took me a long time to realize because I've lived there since I was three. It is largely yeshivish, but relatively free of the craziness that I have heard infects other yeshivish communities. I don't know if I will stay there forever, especially since my search for a woman has so far proved more fruitful in other cities. There's a disturbing uniformity here, but being an independent sort of person, I have usually not felt oppressed by it. I once did, but after I got hold of literature by R' Lamm and others, I was able to form my own ideas about Yiddishkeit no matter who I lived among.
I don't think there's a difference between chumrahs created hundreds of years ago and one created yesterday. Remember, today's new chumrah will be a "minhag Yisrael" in three hundred years. Pick your least favorite chumrah, and it becomes unbreakable after a few generations. I think many chumrahs were created "l'sha'ato," not for all generations. After all, think about fake meat on real cheese or fake cheese on real meat. It's done wholesale nowadays. But SHOULD it be? Based on a chumrah like kitniyos, a chumrah created largely because of mar'is ha'ayin, the answer should be no. But, it's a case, as should be with kitniyos, where mar'is ha'ayin no longer applies. No one's going to be stupid enough to walk into someone's house and see some kind of kitniyos based flour, even something like cornmeal, and say, "Holy S**T, Dude! You're using chametz on Pesach!!!" Same goes for a kitniyos porridge. Everyone knows the difference between cream of wheat and grits. It's not that hard to see the difference.
As for community, I spent a Shabbos in Baltimore for a wedding, and, no offense, but I found it to be very sterile. I'm sure it was just a first impression, but I've never been back. It might have had to do with the uniformity you mentioned.
The only thing that means: is that now, you have to re-read everything from new eyes to do the proper halachic thing.
Right. Except, what is that?
Hey! What'd you write that you removed? :)
lol I'll email you.
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