Giyur and Kiruv: Two Sides of the Same Coin?
Last week, Rabbi Harry Maryles of Emes Ve-Emunah posted a very insightful essay about the bigotry of the Chareidi/Yeshivish community against Baalei Teshuva. In it, he laments the treatment of Baalei Teshuva as second-class citizens - frum, but will never quite be completely accepted by the "FFB" world. Some of the comments on this post were great (including, of course, those of Yours Truly!). Some were disgusting. One of my comments quoted the famous Chazal statement "B'Makom She'Ba'alei Teshuva Omdim, Ein Tzadikim Gemurim Yecholim La'Amod" - Ba'alei Teshuva stand in a place where even completely righteous people cannot stand. The meaning of this Chazal is clear - Ba'alei Teshuva hold so lofty a level due to their Mesirus Nefesh in giving up a Torahless life and devoting themselves to Torah and Mitzvos, that even complete Tzadikim, who have always been devoted to Torah and Mitzvos, can never reach that level.
The Chareidi twisting of this Chazal was nauseating: One person, who uses the handle "Chareidi," had this to say about complete tzadikim not being able to reach the level of Ba'alei Teshuva: "I believe it was the Kotzker (might be wrong on that) who said that tzadikim gemurim can't stand there 'vaal tzi shtinkt'." Chareidi | 08.15.07 - 2:36 pm. Do I need to translate that? Essentially, it means "because it stinks [there]."
That's just lovely, isn't it?
But is the way the FFB community set up the "Kiruv" system the correct way? I'm going to have to say no. And this includes ALL of them: Chabad, Chofetz Chaim, Aish, Gateways, etc. The whole kit and kaboodle got it WRONG! You know why? Because every single one of the organizations claiming to "do Kiruv work" is being dishonest with those "being Mekareved."
New Ba'alei Teshuva are not told how their lives will be. They are not told they will be second-class citizens. They are not told it will not be easy to find a shidduch in the Chareidi/Yeshivish/FFB world. And they are not told everything they need to know about being shomer Torah U'Mitzvos. They are fed the information a little bit at a time. The feeders, these organizations, control how much a BT knows and when the BT will know it. They do so because they are thus able to control many aspects, if no all of them, of a BT's life.
Perhaps it's time to drastically change Kiruv. People who don't know halacha should not immediately be thrust into being completely shomrei Torah U'mitzvos. They should first be taught EVERYTHING they need to know BEFORE they "become" frum. I know there are issues with this, such as the fact that since the BT is already Jewish, every moment he or she is NOT keeping Shabbos, or kashrus, or whatever, is a problem because they are transgressing certain mitzvos, both negative and positive.
But I think, perhaps, if they are treated as a Ger, a convert, things might be drastically different. A Ger, correctly, is taught all he needs to know BEFORE he or she converts. This is done because the Ger needs to know EVERYTHING they can about being a Torah observant Jew.
Should a BT, who is already a Jew, not enjoy the same courtesy? Should someone who is wiling to give up his/her way of life not be told up-front what it's all about, including all the how-tos, BEFORE taking the plunge? Again, I understand the big issue here, unlike the case with a Ger, is that the potential BT is already Jewish and should be observing as much as possible as early as possible. On the other hand, when God gave the Israelites the Torah at Har Sinai, he didn't expect them to know everything at once. He commanded Moshe Rabbeinu (which, by the way, is why he is RABBEINU) to TEACH Bnei Yisrael the Torah so they could keep the Torah. The Israelites promised "Na'aseh V'Nishma" - we will do and we will hear, in that order, but that promise is more esoteric. They promised to keep whatever God had in mind for them. But the needed to learn everything they promised to keep!
How is a Ba'al Teshuva any different. Before his commitment, he kept nothing. Now, he comes and is committed to keeping Torah and Mitzvos. That is the first step. The next is to teach him what he needs to know. The last is to take that final plunge.
Remember also, doing it the way it's done now is no guarantee a person will remain frum. I know plenty of people who didn't because of faulty instruction and blatant dishonesty. If Kiruv organizations fear the BT leaving the fold if the organization is honest with the BT, then the organization is not teaching anything near to what the Emes should be, are they?
This is a theory in the workings, in development. Any thoughts on how to improve it?
6 comments:
Do you think things might take turn for the better if the "gedolim" frequently talked about these bigotry issues and confronted them and told their followers not to do this kind of stuff?
To throw in an example taken from the goyishe world, civil rights movement. It wasn't until Rosa Parks declined to sit in the place only reserved for blacks that politicans took notice and laws were changed.
I don't know. I'm inclined to think not. The "Gedolim" themselves are on a power trip, as you well know. Hence the controlling what women do, how they dress, etc. If the "Gedolim" have this problem, certainly their followers do as well and will be just as reluctant to give up their power as the "Gedolim" are reluctant to give up theirs.
The reason I don't find today's "Gedolim" to be, well, great, is because they do not lead by example. They would have to be willing to relax their grip, loosen their hold, and allow people to live as normal human beings. Until they do so, things will probably remain the same.
I know it's a very grim view, but it's also a reality.
"Remember also, doing it the way it's done now is no guarantee a person will remain frum. "
Are there any published stats of FFB's vs BT's leaving the fold?
Money talks . FFB's will marry wealthy BT's
Perhaps the FFB's are more scientific than they let on and believe in the "G-d gene"
Before his commitment, he kept nothing.
This is perhaps an overstatement as many BT's did keep the mitzvot to a certain degree and were not completely ignorant.
Anyways, despite the faults I have no idea how to make the changes, but if a RY were interested he could do the matchmaking himself since the boy needs to the RY's approval anyways. :)
I wonder if the truth of how some FFB saw BTs was told in a way that meant, the BTs are needed to help overcome some of the overgrowing flaws within the community.
That their integrity is maybe what Hashem was pulling at when openning the door for them to become frum.
Or at least that they have something extremely valuable to contribute and not to throw everything away just to conform to the FFB's standard of being.
sephardilady,
Obviously, this is an oversimplification. Hence the idea that it's a theory in the works. :) Obviously most, if not everyone, do some amount of Mitzvos, whether on purpose or just because that's what they do. For instance, there are plenty on non-frum people out there who keep 100% kosher.
BTW, how goes the move?
Miriam,
You said it, sister. As a Giyores, I would greatly appreciate your input on this subject. Care to GP about the Giyur process? :)
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