Monday, August 10, 2009


So. We've bankrupted. A new beginning, albeit a kind of lousy way to go about it. But we'll survive.

Now we have to figure it all out. I'm looking for a job. My business tanked. Frankly, I never liked it anyway. It was my father's and not something about which I ever truly strongly felt. So, we'll see if any opportunities pan out.

Ideally, I'd like to find something part-time. My wife (who is also looking for a new job because she hates the one she's at right now) has full benefits, so those aren't really an issue for me when job searching. I'm going to study for the GRE exam (that's the one to get into grad school). I'd like to go back to school. I have a few choices in front of me. One is a PhD in counseling psychology. Another, one that is probably more realistic, is a Master's in education. It's something I can use in Israel.

Which brings me to the next step. I'm hoping, once done with school, in whatever subject I choose, to make Aliyah. It's getting to be time. My wife, given a workable, viable, REALISTIC plan, is open to the idea.

While I would like nothing better than to pack up tomorrow and go home, I won't do it. First, there's the history lesson. My dad did it that way. You know what it did? It screwed up my life. Royally. He didn't give one damn where we ended up, whether he had a job waiting, or what the quality of the schools was for his children. I actually ended up in a cheder for two and a half years. No general studies education whatsoever. For that entire time. Imagine how well I did when we came back to the States at the beginning of high school. Yeah. Not so well...

Second, there's a Shalom Bayit issue. I love my wife very much. I am completely devoted to her. Only problem is I haven't acted that way the last several years. That's changing. She will not go without a real plan of where and how we're going to live and we will absolutely go somewhere ONLY that offers the best possible school for our children. And she will not go without at least one of us, preferably both, and most preferably me, without a job waiting. Period. And you know what? She's absolutely correct. I have a friend/fellow blogger who told me the mitzvah of living in Eretz Yisrael is more important than Shalom Bayit. I respectfully disagree. And I speak from experience. It's not just Shalom Bayit between spouses. It's also about Shalom Bayit with one's children and doing what's best for them in the best possible way. My father did it in the worst possible way. The results were, and still are, unacceptable. It's not going to happen that way again.

So there you have it. We'll go, God willing. But we'll go properly this time, not helter-skelter as my father did. I will NOT screw up my children's lives the way he screwed up mine. Period.

Now I just gotta take that GRE exam. Oy. Then I gotta figure out what I want to do. I'll only get one chance at this, and I gotta do it right.


Ben-Yehudah said...


You can disagree, hate, despise what I said all you want.

It doesn't change the halacha.

One may divorce his wife whose refuses to move to Eretz Yisrael {Ramba"m}.

Harm done to your children may be a completely different story, but it is not included in the concept of Shalom Bayith. The Bayith is the wife, as politically incorrect as that may be.

May HaShem protect you in Galuth with the president you helped to elect.

Isn't it possible that your father's "failed" aliyah provided you with some "mistakes" you could learn from, and thus not repeat while you're here?

It's always the same excuse. Money. That's because Americans are, for the most part, unwilling to lessen their standards of living.

I believe that's why half of all Americans go back "home" within five years of aliyah. They never considered Israel home in the first place, and where Jews need to be no matter what.

We don't determine halacha through feelings, but through sources.

Am Kshe Oref - A Stiff-Necked People said...

Ah, but that's the difference between you and me. Judaism is as much an emotional experience as it is a halachic one. Please send me the mar'eh Makom in the Rambam. I'd like to see it. But, having discussed this with my rav, who is also the principal of a very RZ and Aliyah oriented school, we have come to the conclusion to absolutely NOT do this until we are financially ready. Also, one of my dad's mistakes was going unprepared. I will NOT do that either.

And if I recall my Jewish history correctly, the Rambam never made it to Israel...

Ben-Yehudah said...

1. I'm not, and have never tried to tellyou what you shouldn't or shouldn't do. You have to make your own decisions.

2. When you say principal of a RZ school, that's meaningless to me. He could be a mamlakhti, in which case it is highly likely I would not listen to anything he has to say. Besides, I could never listen to rabbi in Hutz la'Aretz over a rav in Israel.

3. Or course, the Ramba"m visited Israel. He was "anoos," and could not leave his post in Egypt, and has even signed some of his work with as "one who is over the aveira of returning to Egypt," indicating his integrity.

4. Hil. Ishuth 13:23-25 {numbering may be 19-20 if you have censored version} coming right out of Talmud Bavli Kethubboth 110b {later on comes the statement about it being better}

5. Feelings? We're human beings. We have feelings. However, as Jews they do NOT enter into our decision making processes IN THE SAME WAY as the goyim apply theirs. Thinking otherwise is a result of the influence of Galuth.

6. Have fun manipulating the sources into what you want them to say, ...based on your feelings.

7. b'Hatzlahah in hutz la'Aretz and with your marriage.