"The More You Tighten Your Grip..."

Along the lines of my previous post, I'd like again to discuss this grip tightening of the Chareidi/Yeshivish world, a world, as I said earlier, is no longer in any way, a form of Kosher, halacha following Judaism.

The grip coninues to tighten in that world. Mehadrin busses, how women should dress, how men dress, the continued chumra heaping, etc.

And with all this, there is the kids at risk thing going on in that world. What does Kids At Risk mean? Well, unlike in the regular world, where it means kids are at risk to do drugs, join gangs, or become involved in any other number of self-destructive behavior, kids at risk in the Chareidi/Yeshivish world means kids who might, (read sarcastically) become Modern Orthodox, or Centrist, or they might trade in their black hats and pants and white shirts for jeans, a t-shirt, and a baseball cap!! Even worse, it means kids who might become not frum at all because they are so sick of their parents and communities being so chumra happy that being frum has become a burden rather than a joy.

Unfortunately, in response to this, the parents, very often musmachim of yeshivas who are now embarrassed by their own children, fight back, tighten their grip with even more restrictions. The result: They keep pushing their kids farther and farther away.

I've known plenty of really good kids who would have been perfectly happy remaining frum if only they had been given the freedom to be frum on their own terms while always following halacha, without all the extraneous chumras attached. But when the parents, oh, so embarrassed by their childrens' "awful" behavior keep limiting that freedom more and more, those kids also pushed back and kept getting more and more distant from wanting to be frum at all, or even have any association with the frum world.

Parents: So what if your kid doesn't want to spend thirteen years in Yeshiva and another ten in Kollel? So what if they actually want to go and learn a profession and be contributing members of society? Let them find their own way! Children do not need to be clones of their parents. They are individuals who need to discover their own path in life. All parents can do is try to give gentle guidance and teach them the Judaism is a religion of Nachas, something that is a joy to observe, not a burden.

After the European emancipation of the Jews, people wanted more freedom, a easing of restrictions that would not go against the essence of Halacha. The rigid rabbinic leadership adamantly refused. Guess what happened? The Reform Movement and the secularization of many, many Jews over the following 250 years.

It's interesting how history repeats itself. After Shlomo Hamelech died, Rachavam, his son, took over as king. He was asked to ease taxes, restrictions, and heavy burdens of his father. The elders suggested he do so, but his buddies of childhood told him not only to not ease up, they told him to make it even harder. Well, with that response to the nation, Yeravam ben Nevat became king of the ten tribes, seceded from the Rechavam's rule, and went about his merry way, causing the ten tribes to slide into a dark age of avoda zara, one from which the ten tribes would never recover, one which would cause the vast majority of the ten tribes to disappear forever.

Did the rigid, rabbinic leadership learn from Rechavam's mistake? Obviously not. They said no, and over the next 250 years, about 98% of the Jewish nation no longer follows halacha at all, many have assimilated, many have intermarried, and most carry an intense dislike of Orthodox Judaism.

When I mention this, people like to respond that I'm wrong. After all, look at the Ba'al Teshuva movement! It's huge. However, they forget to take into account the half of the equation - the ones who are leaving because they are so turned off by the burden being Orthodox has become that they want nothing to do with it any longer.