Thursday, May 28, 2009

Bang It Out's Top Ten Shavuot Rules

These are great! Thanks to Bangitout!

Top Ten Rules of Shavuot

10. If a shiur title has any arbitrary pop-culture reference (Gossip Girl/American Idol/CSI) it is a key sign: it will be about the most boring topic on earth

9. No man has ever looked at the words of Akdumus without instantly dozing off

8. There may only be a handful of people staying up, but at 3:30am all of the shul's 1000 Styrofoam cups will be used

7. You can (and are obligated to) murder any chazan who decides that 5am may be a good time to belt out some long winded hallel tunes (Amen to this one...)

6. There must be at least one family who doesn’t "hold of eating dairy on yuntif"

5. Learning from Midnight to 5am on average yields about 15 minutes of real actual Torah study

4. A comment regarding how much lighter one feels since they aren't eating meat every meal, must be recited/heard at least twice a day.
(Oddly, all the stories in Nach and in the Midrash about eating dairy is the point was dairy made people drowsy and fall asleep so they could be offed by a woman...)

3. As a kid, you felt that the person who slept long enough to say Brachot in the morning was probably going to hell

2. The number of books you bring to shul is directly proportional to the number of books you will end up using as a pillow

1. Most overly-used Rabbi excuse to leave early and sleep must be invoked: "I have to conduct morning services"
(Heh. I've actually heard this one before!)

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